I think scott just propositioned me for sex
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
