I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
