I'm going to jail i love you
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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