My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
