I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
