whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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