my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
40s are totally the cure
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
