Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
