Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
