the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
