She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
