I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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