I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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