I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
