i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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