good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
