JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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