Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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