We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
