Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
