you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
