Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
