Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
