there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
