So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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