I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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