i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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