i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
