I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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