If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
