He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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