WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
