I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
