Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
