I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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