well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
