I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
