I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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