I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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