Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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