I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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