I want to walk on stilts...naked
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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