How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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