i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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