Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
