paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
