I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
