You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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