Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she told me i tasted like america
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
