worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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